DNews Intercepts Decoded Spiritual Email From First Century
From: The Roman-Christian Induction Society of 100AD. <Dominus_et_Spiritu.con>
Reply To: Do not reply. You will be monitored for heresy.
To: All Concerned Citizens. <email@example.com>
In the past few generations a movement has grown which threatens the well being of the Emperor and Patrons of Rome. It was started by an obscure Galilean Rabbi, preaching to a local following of workers a message of strike, insurrection, revolution and disrespect for authority, especially bankers carrying out lawful activities in the Jewish Temple at Jerusalem. The dangerous phenomenon has grown to frightening proportions. Though the leader was executed, the followers have persisted with his teachings and are becoming a threat to the wealth of the elite rulers of our empire. These rebels believe that the wealth that we the rich have taken from the community should be shared with the ordinary members: the workers who created it by their labor. We must neutralize the movement before it wrecks the economy that serves us, the best and the brightest of Rome. We’ve got a good thing going. Don’t let down the side. Spread the word, "Not on my watch!"
Your government is doing its part. We’ve dispatched a Centurion, Saul, to infiltrate the Christian Rebel’s ranks and discover their weaknesses. He’s still hard at work but preliminary reports indicate that, with minor modification, the Christian beliefs will ultimately serve the might and grandeur of Rome. Our profitable enterprises, far from being curtailed, will actually grow and prosper beyond our wettest dreams. But we must close ranks and present a solid, unified front if we are to resist this assault on the status quo that serves us so well. We must remain faithfully conservative of what we have.
A fundamental belief of Christianity is that any person may assert the spark of divinity within themselves and challenge earthly authority. On one occasion the Rabbi, Jesus Christ, said, in effect, that all may do as he has done, if they have faith. Early on he said, "Come follow me." Late in his short career he actually drove bankers, lawfully in the pursuit of profit, from the Jewish Temple where he proposed to preach his rabble rousing message. A primary goal of our program to counter this dangerous criminal’s insurrectionist message is to make emulation of the man impossible, while creating alternative and distorted beliefs about him which will confound his revolutionary intent. It’s been proposed that we pretend to foster Christianity among ourselves in order to modify its character by asserting that Christ was God-man and performed miraculous acts impossible for ordinary people to do. The general populace is easily daunted. If they feel there is no way to follow him in deed, then the strikes and revolution he proposed will be averted. Additions to the acts and attributes are easily accomplished. Stories tend to be embroidered over time, in any case. We will merely take needles into our own hands, so we may stick in a few well aimed points.
Alterations of words and deeds of the "Savior" are as easily accomplished as additions. We can change wife to prostitute and an assault by our hired agents for the purpose of intimidation can become a routine stoning for adultery. Some say we must aim for consistency and slowly distort his message to our own ends. I tend to think our illiterate and unthinking mobs can be stymied and overwhelmed by a sudden onslaught of contradictions and, confused thereby, come more easily back under our control. For instance, if we attribute to Christ some oracular statement like, "Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s and render unto God what is God’s!" the rabble will be stunned and enthralled by the inconsistencies and they’ll be more accepting to the rule of Rome. The statement itself is ambiguous and it flat contradicts the criminal attack on the bankers at the temple, for which the rebel was crucified. Changing their scriptures so, coupled with the deterrent effect of their founding leader’s capital punishment, will bring these rubes around. Other insertions and alterations to the documentation will be needed to make this movement serve the preservation of our hoard of the community’s wealth.
The interventions proposed above will stymy the immediate threat to the good thing we have going. But we must also act to prevent any future uprising. We’ve addressed ourselves to this problem and have an ingenious, if we say so ourselves, solution. We’ll write an addendum to the collection of documents that the Christians call the "New Testament," which will reveal a second coming of the God Man with which we’ve replaced Jesus. They already expect one like the real Christ to arise soon. When the new book and our other alterations to their scriptures have convinced them of the God nature and miracles of Jesus, the fools will wait for eternity for their impossible savior to return and right all wrongs. No one will be able to re-propose the rebellion that Christ advised, because no one can perform the miracles that we’ve invented and attributed to him. The idiots will be our slaves, awaiting reward in an afterlife, for as long as we can keep them focused on our lies. In time the histories can be improved and complicated and we can even invent alternatives for those who begin to see through the veil we’ve woven. Yes, this is it! I don’t know why we ever opposed Christianity in the first place. This is the best thing that ever happened to the Roman Empire.
The Talk Around the Cracker Barrel
DNews reporter A. G. Kaiser overheard the old boy’s around the faux cracker barrel behind the Starbuck’s at the Safeway, who thought that Lay and Skilling shouldn’t go to jail because it’s the "government’s fault!" Kaiser wondered what they think of the FBI raid on Democratic Rep. Jefferson’s office? At the risk of compromising journalistic neutrality, he joined the conversation. What follows is in words written by the reporter.
"I guess business can do no wrong but what about that congressman the FBI raided?"
The "free tradesman" didn’t hesitate. "No one’s above the law. We have to do whatever it takes to get criminals behind bars, so the rest of us can go about our business without worry."
"So you think that not only Lay and Skilling but anyone who makes money off of scams like Enron’s should be put in jail?"
"I didn’t say that! They’re just trying to make a buck. Those government people who take bribes and tax us are the real criminals."
"What about the people who offer the bribes for tax and business favors?" Before he had chance to answer the rhetorical question, I went on. "Belay that! Before the stock fraud and other crimes for which Lay and Skilling have been convicted [hung out to pay for everyone including still active criminal corporations] and which led to the collapse, Enron had bilked the American people out of untold billions. That includes eight billion from California consumers, that the brokers literally extorted through energy market manipulation. Crimes like these are still being committed by a hundred Giga corporations. Before any illegal fraud, Enron was a company of MBA and economist energy pirates who didn’t know what a power engineer or production facility looked like. They stole all their money, which they later used to buy some power plants, by trading and brokering the production done by others. Such unnecessary busyness only adds to the overhead costs of a product. It increases the price without increasing the value and thereby parasitizes the entire community of consumers. In the end these good Republicans ripped off how many billions from their own investors? And you say they’re innocent and should go free. But we should tear up the constitution to get a Democrat that took one hundred thousand dollars. You’re an idiot!"
Mr. Kaiser confesses that he didn’t wait for a response from the stunned fool. He told us confidentially that if the moron had opened his mouth he would surely have knocked him on his ass. A. G. seems to be losing patience with normal people.
Iraq is descending into chaos while Bushco pretends all is well. The violence is also growing in Afghanistan. The English and the Russians failed to subdue the Afghan descendants of the Mongol Hoard and we’ve failed in turn. Everything Bush touches turns to shit. Maybe that’s because he’s full of it from the git go. Or is he? The quagmires of shit in Iraq and Afghanistan may have been deliberately created as cash cows for Halliburton and other corporate contractor peers of the realm. These have proved even more lucrative than the war on drugs, natural disaster relief and the growing migrant worker/defense of the border frauds and diversions, which also allow high tech purchasing and privatization contracts. But the wars are the oldest and best of all the scams. Drugs, disaster relief and border defense rolled together don’t come near producing the profit that wars can generate. The profit motive theory of warfare and government service also accounts for the failure to accomplish any goal. To achieve an end would kill the goose. There is too much money to be made promising and endeavoring to do a thing. The profiteers will never permit anything to be done.
I'll feed myself and provide other necessary resources so that I may continue to write.
A G Kaiser
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